My Visit to Slowjamastan: What YOU Should Know about this Micronation
I’ve always wanted to visit Slowjamastan. By “always,” I mean since about six months ago. My great love of the country began after reading this CNN article. When we decided to spend a month in nearby Ocotillo Wells at the Leaping Lizard RV Ranch, I was thrilled.
The motherland!
This was it!
But first….I had so many questions.
Here’s what you need to know about Slowjamastan and our visit to the country.
What is the Full Name of this Micronation?
The full name is The United Territories of the Sovereign Nation of The People’s Republic of Slowjamastan.
Let’s face it. That’s a lot of text for the official signs.
I call it TUTOTSNOTPROS for short (pronouced Too-TOT-Snot-Pros). Most people just call the place Slowjamastan.
When was Slowjamastan Founded?
The country was founded on August 18, 2021. Or maybe it was September 16, 2021.
Slowjamastan celebrates Independence Day on December 1st each year. There’s even a plaque with this date so this must be true. (I didn’t just read it on the internet.)
Does Slowjamastan have a Government?
Yes, Slowjamastan has a government. Here’s the details:
Government System: Dictatorship
Leader: The Sultan a/k/a Randy Williams a/k/a R Dub!
Political Philosophy: Don’t start no sh*t, won’t be no sh*t.
Governors/Parliament/Ambassadors: Pay-to-play (more on that below).
Who Founded Slowjamastan?
Slowjamastan was founded by The Sultan. He’s some DJ from San Diego who likes Slow Jams and hates mumble rap.
The Sultan has reportedly visited every country in the world. That is why he started his own country.
The Sultan is also incredibly good looking. Here I am admiring his cartoon handsomeness.
Here I am paying homage to the Sultan lof Slowjamastan (or at least a cartoon of him on a sign).
Where is Slowjamastan?
Slowjamastan is located in the middle of nowhere.
In the desert.
Yes, the desert.
For reals.
Slowjamastan can be found off California Highway 78 about 10 miles east of Ocotillo Wells. It’s on Google Maps!
Slowjamastan is located in the middle of the desert near Ocotillo Wells in Southern California.
Slowjamastan Border Crossing
How Big is Slowjamastan?
Slowjamastan sits on about 11 acres. But the place is bigger than just geography. As of this blog (February 2024), over 16,000 people are listed as citizens of Slowjamastan.
Are all of these Slowjamastan citizens real people? Let’s ask citizen Sir Fringle DItz from the country of “That one.”
Excerpt of Slowjamastan citizenship roster.
At this point, you are probably wondering “Are any of my friends listed as citizens Slowjamastan?” Or maybe you just want to know if you are a surreptitious citizen of Slowjamastan. To find out, you can search for Slowjamastan citizens in this database.
What is the Capital of Slowjamastan?
The capital of Slowjamastan is Dublândia. It is located right smack-dab in the center of the country.
Dublândia is famous for its tilde.
After visiting Dublândia, visitors may also travel to other states in Slowjamastan. These states currently include Palmerstan, Upper Palmerstan, Momopolis, Feeshissippi, Goodlandia, Snooklyn, Bucksylvania, Chuckfield of Dreams, TriviaLand (courtesy of Kid Corona), Higher Wadi, DonSam Wadi, and the Queendom of Hotdamastan.
State of Higher Wadi in Slowjamastan
State of Snooklyn in Slowjamastan
Interstate travel is easy in Slowjamastan. You can transport all of the fresh fruit that you would like to over state lines. (Suck it, California!)
Goodlandia - A permanent state of optimism (in Slowjamastan).
Queendom of Hotdamastan in Slowjamastan. This is where I want to live.
(PS: I want to live in Hotdamastan someday. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to live there? Look at that sign! Pee! Eh! Are! Tee! Why!).
What are the "Official Things" of Slowjamastan?
Official Currency: Duble (paper) and Dubloons (coin)
Official language: English with a General Foreign Accent
National Anthem: “Slowjamastan (I Think It’s Gonna Be an Awesome Place)” (Sound familiar?)
Official Slogan: Libertas. Honor. Respectus.
Olympic Sport: Red Rover
Time zone: SST (Slowjamastan Standard Time)
National animal: Raccoon (The country mascot is named SlowjamaStanley.)
National food: Tacos. (I’m just guessing.)
Racoons are protected animals in Slowjamastan.
Kasie tries to order tacos in Slowjamastan.
Does Slowjamastan have Laws?
Yes, yes, yes.
The most important law is “No wearing Crocs!”
The only exception is Wear Your Crocs in Slowjamastan Day (June 31). Mark your calendars!
Crocs are not permitted in Slowjamastand except for Wear Yuur Crocs in Slowjamastan Day.
Can You Visit Slowjamastan?
Border Checkpoint at Slowjamastan
Anyone visiting Southern California can visit Slowjamastan. But here is what you need to know:
Border Crossing: A visa is required. Don’t worry; you can get instant visa approval here.
Border Security: There are land mines filled with confetti and possibly Mexican candy. Beware of Mark Corona, Porder Batrol Agent (no typos here, folks!).
Current Wait Time at Border: 0 seconds
Consulate Office: If you cannot make it to Slowjamastan, the Sultan maintains his Consulate Office at 6160 Cornerstone Ct E Suite 151, San Diego, CA 92121.
What is There to Do in Slowjamastan?
Slowjamastan is — how do you say it? — an up-and-coming country. If you like to read signs, this country is for you!
Major Export: Sand. Sometimes Wind.
Major Industry: Tourism
Major Infrastructure: Signs, desk, tarp over desk, flag pole, stockade, plaque, non-working pay phone, security camera (which may or may not work after I hit the pole with my drone)
Planned Infrastructure: Lazy River. Maybe a stationary boat.
Other Celebratory Assets: Flag, Porder Patrol truck (not a typo), Special Forces Cruiser, Firetruck (“Where the hose at?”), and a 2005 Dodge Neon Racecar. From what I can tell, these assets are only used for special events so you won’t find them in the country on most days.
Stocks at Slowjamastan
Is this possibly the construction of a stationary boat for the Lazy River in Slowjamastan?
It is REALLY REALLY HARD to find your way around Slowjamastan so I made an unofficial map of the major landmarks. You’re welcome. Not “Your Welcome".
Unofficial map of Slowjamastan. Map is not to scale.
How Much Does it Cost to Become a Citizen of Slowjamastan?
Here’s perhaps the best part about this country: citizenship is FREE!
Loyalists can opt for premium citizenship (which includes a photo on the website) for just $19.99. Registered animals of Slowjamastan also cost just $19.99. Our boy Earl decided to become a SlowjamaStanimal.
Official letter from The Sultan of Slojamastan recognizing Mr. Earl Hoosya Daddi as a citizen (registered animal) of Slowjamastan.
Earl became a registered animal of Slowjamastan.
The government of Slowjamastan is mostly pay-to-play beyond that. Governorships and state naming rights range from $2K to $10K, but you get a cool sign for all of those American dollars. A parliament position will run you $35/month and allows you to pick a cool title like “Director of Pizza Affairs” or “Minister of Mediocrity.” Ambassadorships cost $25/month (exclusive) and $10/month (non-exclusive). Check out the Slowjamastan Patreon page to get more involved for as low as $2/month.
You can also support Slowjamastand by buying Slowjamastan merch here. The online store only accepts U.S. dollars.
Disclaimer: We are NOT affiliated with Slowjamastan. While Slowjamastan may be as corrupt as any other country, we receive absolutely no kickbacks or anything like that. So sad.
(Update: We may be receiving an honorary Slowjamastan raccoon sticker and t-shirt! We promise that will not compromise our journalistic integrity though.)
Is Slowjamastan for Real?
Depends on who you ask.
Slowjamastan is a certainly a place. (It’s on Google maps!)
Slowjamastan is not formally recognized by the United States or Germany or China or Australia or any of the other 193+ countries that The Sultan visited. Sometimes a country may stamp a Slowjamastan passport though..
Places like Slowjamastan are known as micronations. Slowjamastan is legit in that regard, but it’s also just a fun idea.
My advice? Don’t think about it too much.
Post-Script
After publishing this blog and video, we received a video thank-you from The Sultan himself. I did not think that the Sultan could be more handsome, but have you seen him in a black t-shirt? We are appreciative of his kind words and the many thank-you communications from other Slowjamastan leaders.
Keep livin’ the dream.
You all rock.
